The results of the 2021 Legal Christmas Music contest were announced on Twitter earlier this month.  The (plastic) trophy has been sent to the Secret Barrister for signature and is on its way to the winner.  The winner remains anonymous, but I am allowed to tell you the prize is on its way to Wales.  Christmas Eve is the best day to remind people of the winning entries.  I like to thank all those who took part (all the entries can be seen here) and donated to food banks. I will be blogging again the other side of Christmas.



Grinch, Christmas, Graphic, Hat

Verse 1

Raab rest ye merry, advocates,

Let nothing you dismay

Except you’re doing lots of work

For very little pay

And CVP is down again

And Clickshare just won’t play

O listings of mention and fix, mention and fix

O listings of mention and fix


Verse 2

HMP Slade’s in lockdown so

No conference can be set

The robing room’s unsafe to use

You’re heavily in debt

Your brief fee pays for half the sandwich

That you bought in Pret

O listings of mention and fix, mention and fix

O listings of mention and fix

Verses 3 onwards

(Awaiting further disclosure from the CPS, apologies for the delay)



The Masked Sanitisers (Carpenters Group)

Baby Jesus, Bethlehem, Religion


Away in a Law Firm

Away in a Law Firm
Most are working at home
We don’t really love that
We feel all alone
The helpline is busy
Another neighbour dispute
Pandemic pups barking
They are no longer cute

The door bell is ringing
Its Amazon for me
Ill open that later
I have a teams call at 3
My colleagues look scary
Their hair has grown long
Still in their PJs
Ive told them that’s wrong

Now back to the office
With the two meter rule
I am wearing a face mask
Because I am no fool
Its business as usual
Seeing clients on line
Court hearings remotely

It will all be fine

Christmas party is cancelled
Because Boris said No
A new variant has stopped us
That’s now two in a row.
We will all get through this
Just live for today
Have a few double vodkas
And go asleep on the hay.


From @bramptonmel

The DCJ’s Lament (to the tune of White Christmas)

Winter, Robin, Bird, Christmas, Red

I’m dreaming of pre-Covid Christmas

Just like the ones we used to know

Waiting rooms were heaving

With Counsel pleading

To let their case be next to go

I’m dreaming of pre-Covid Christmas

With every blessed CVP

May the backlog start to decrease

And may all your small claims settle please