FATAL ACCIDENTS 4th EDITION: WANT A FREE COPY? WHAT DOES YOUR CLIENT NEED YOU KNOW ABOUT BEREAVEMENT?
The 4th edition of Fatal Accidents was published last week. The publishers, Lexis Nexis, have several copies they can give away. I am looking for contributions (here or on Twitter) as to the most useful things that lawyers can know, and do, when dealing with the bereaved client.
THE CONTRIBUTIONS
This is a serious subject. I am not suggesting that it can be addressed fully or adequately in a short online contributions. However want I want to do is, at the very least, to start a conversation and get people thinking about these issues. They are rarely, if ever, addressed in legal education or training.
THERE IS A BACK STORY
When the book was first designed there was to be a contribution from an experienced bereavement counsellor who had worked with me on APIL courses on fatal accidents. Unfortunately she got ill and was not able to contribute. I am using this as an opportunity to fill the missing chapters.
THE PERSON WHO GETS THE BOOK
I am deliberately not referring to a winner, because I anticipate that all contributions will be useful. I will ask someone with experience of these issues to choose the one they personally feel is most useful. This is, I appreciate, a highly subjective approach. However this is really a case where the taking part and contributing is (I hope) the most important element.
TO CONTRIBUTE
Either respond to the blog here, or make a contribution on Twitter, just make sure you copy/link me to the tweet (@CivLitTweet). Contributions can be short, long, and deal with any issue you wish. The essential element is informing lawyers of the matters they need to know, and consider, when dealing with clients who have been bereaved.
I should make it clear that I am not looking here, necessarily, for advice on legal issues. Advice on how the client is feeling; what to do (and what not to do); matters that will help the client are all welcome. Remember many lawyers may have no, or very little, experience of bereavement and grief, any words you have could be of great assistance.
“CLOSING DATE”
It would be helpful if all contributions could be here by 8.00 pm on Tuesday 16th July.
A RUNNING LIST
I will put up a separate post with the contributions. In the interim I’ll keep a list of contributions here.
Tell the client as early as you can that given the choice between money and a magic wand, nobody would choose money, but it’s all that you’ve got, it won’t bring them back, and it’s about trying to safeguard their future, not the past, which they will do for themselves.
Be absolutely honest about what the litigation process can achieve – this may not match the client’s key objective. e.g. an apology, answers/an explanation or striking off/sacking a doctor.
Be honest and open from the outset, make it clear what can be achieved and what cant. Explain time frames and that it wont be easy as they have to relive everything over and over again. Compassion but also distance/separation from the client emotionally is needed.
So true. Honesty, boundaries, being able to detach with compassion from troubled clients is vital. Also, crucial is knowing the factors that can make you vulnerable to secondary trauma; plus what could trigger and re-traumatise the client. The legal process is rife with them.
Be kind & patient! Be very succinct about All & Any outcomes they can expect… Remember: It’s easy to identify with the client at a very sad time, but they are there for your “legal advice”… Draw attention to your advice in writing to aid absorption…
Someone told me once that a lawyer’s role is simply to “give advice kindly”, even more important with bereavement. Small things make a big difference: check client is supported before giving negative advice; make meetings less ‘lawyery’; listen, more often than not noone else has
Listen. And make it clear to the client that you have listened. (We are not psychotherapists, but we can help people to feel better at their lowest ebbs by giving them the strength of being heard). Then give the advice (see all other replies for excellent guidance here).
Let them cry. Let them say everything in a jumbled order, then just type up and reorganise your notes chronologically. Almost impossible to get a fluid account from the recently bereaved because emotion.
Let them guide you as to the pace of things. Listening to them is essential to develop their trust. Above all hear about their loved one and get to know about that person. Every bereaved client is different, so just be there for them when needed.
Be mindful of important dates – birthdays now missed, anniversary of their loved one’s death and so on. These are not good days to ring about litigation admin or general questions, but it is important to acknowledge these in some way as they really matter to your client #empathy
For me it is being there at times other than 9 – 5. If the person has a question at 8pm on a Sunday then if I can I will help as if I can stop that person worrying it is a job well done. Not sure this is great advice but it works for me.
At the 1st meeting listen, sympathise, empathise, explain some of the the basics, take down the basics of what’s involved etc. But importantly remember much of what you say will be forgotten or misconstrued until the 2nd meeting when more can be repeated, explained and retained.
Remember you have three years Try to figure out the dynamics of each dependency Listen listen listen Don’t make matters worse Try at each interaction to picture where the client is on this curve – but remember it is reversible and varied
Matthew Heap
Above all, they want to understand what happened to their loved one. Irrespective of reaction type, tears, anger, coldness, the need for facts and understanding is always there.
Understand the Kubler-Ross stages of grief, and within your professional code, contextualise the instructions as to where they are. When they’re in anger and denial, give them space to reflect on instructions. Be clear that law and morality are not always on the same page.
