THE FIFTH LEGAL CHRISTMAS MUSIC CONTEST 2020: BECOME A LYRIC WRITER AND GET RECORDED: SUPPORTING FOOD BANKS

The Legal Christmas Music contest is back, for the fifth year running.  All that is required to enter is that you make, or agree you will make,  a donation to a food bank: after that is (as ever) down to skill, talent and a large amount of luck.

THE PRIZE

The winner gets a “best lawyer of the year” award.  There are plans to get the winning entry recorded.

THE CONTEST: LAWYERS, LOCKDOWN, 2020 AND CHRISTMAS

This year it is more challenging.  Taking any traditional Christmas Carol or  traditional song and adapt -or re-write- two verses (and only two verses) that are relevant to lawyers or litigators.   Special bonus points will be given to those who incorporate the “spirit” of 2020 into the verses. (Find something that rhymes with Covid, Zoom or “remote” and you may have made a start.)

TO ENTER

Just agree that you are going to make a donation to a foodbank (see section below). The donation can be via the collection baskets that many major supermarkets have in their premises.

Tweet your verses  using the #Lexmas20  hashtag (if you copy me in at @CivLitTweet or put it on the comments section of this blog.

There are no entry criteria. You don’t have to be a lawyer to enter. You don’t have to be in the UK.

You can enter as an individual, as a group or even as a firm. (Bear in mind there is only one prize).

THE CLOSING DATE (AND TIME): 10th DECEMBER 2020

The closing date is 4.00 pm on the 10th December 2020. Note the early closing date.  This is to ensure that the winner gets the prize before Christmas and that we get the chance to record the winning entry, which should then (technology allowing) be able to be viewed on this blog.

THE JUDGING CRITERIA

There are no objective criteria (so far as I can tell).  No form of entry has preference over another. All bets are off (or on). There is everything to play for.

I’m hoping to pass off the job of judging to a real live judge and some specialist assistants. They will have to remain anonymous to avoid any risk of lobbying, unnecessary skeleton arguments , lengthy bundles, etc.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER

The judges’ decision will be final. No system of appeal exists.  If you lose you can (and indeed must) complain on Twitter (or in the comments section below) that you were robbed. That will be your sole legal remedy.  You will have to live with the fact that you are not, in fact, the best lawyer in the world.

DONATING TO A FOOD BANK

  • A list of food banks are available here.
  • Many major supermarkets have collection baskets

THE ENTRIES

Some of the entries are in the comments section below.

Pablo Von Helsing 

VERSE 1: (Once in Royal David’s City)

Once in Legal Covid City Sat a man upon his bed

Top half suited, bottom half nuded

This zoom hearing must go ahead Internet Latency

Hearing starts painfully

He appeared with a flicker

He the Judge and lord of all

And in his hand is a gavel

This is not right at all

Will the Judge be kind and mild?

Not a chance he’s already riled.

 

Philip Morris

Image

 

 

 

(From the Serious Injury Team, Irwin Mitchell, Birmingham).

(To the tune of In the Bleak Midwinter).

 

“In the bleak pandemic

Serious injury team stayed home.

No court no coffee no commute, working all alone

Zoom call after zoom call.  You are all on mute!

In the bleak pandemic, home schooling – such a hoot

Then came the best news ever

Court hearings would be back

E-bundles, platforms, tech fails

Judges sharing life hacks

Extensions up to 56 days

Adobe pro is king

In the bleak pandemic, why worry about a thing?

So as we near year end

What have we achieved?

Endless remote meetings

Not as helpful as perceived

Home offices decked with fairy lights

Office parties via Zoom

In the bleak pandemic

By the light of a silvery moon”

From Mel Clarke (Brampton Mel)

To the Tune of Hark the Herald

“Hello, can you hear and see me?

It’s Judge Bloggs on CVP”

“I can hear you Judge but sadly

You are just a big black screen”

“I’m so sorry” “Oh, that’s better”

“What’s that noise?” “My Irish Setter”

Oh, the joys of Court from Home

Skype for Business, Teams and Zoom

 

“Has the witness got e-bundles?

Great let’s go to nine- fourteen”.

“That’s a letter from the Claimant”

“No, that’s not the one I mean

How to find it, let me see

Oh I know – add 23

Can you go to nine-three-four?”

This trial will last for evermore

Oh the joys of Court from home,

Skype for Business, Teams and Zoom”

 

Miss Shiv is a velociraptor

(To the tune of Good King Wencelas).

Lefty lawyer causing fuss

Raising human rights Getting slated? ‘‘Twas ever thus

Or else they’re merely mights

Brightly argued in the courts

Though the AG’s cruel

JR, contracts and torts

Pushed to gen’rous construal

Put the camera up on high Or

else you’ll highlight chins

No cats nor kiddies come nearby

Hide the fourteen gins

Appear to be calm and controlled

Although it’s a veneer

The year end will soon be tolled

Bringing in a happy new year