THE FIFTH LEGAL CHRISTMAS MUSIC CONTEST 2020: BECOME A LYRIC WRITER AND GET RECORDED: SUPPORTING FOOD BANKS
The Legal Christmas Music contest is back, for the fifth year running. All that is required to enter is that you make, or agree you will make, a donation to a food bank: after that is (as ever) down to skill, talent and a large amount of luck.
The winner gets a “best lawyer of the year” award. There are plans to get the winning entry recorded.
THE CONTEST: LAWYERS, LOCKDOWN, 2020 AND CHRISTMAS
This year it is more challenging. Taking any traditional Christmas Carol or traditional song and adapt -or re-write- two verses (and only two verses) that are relevant to lawyers or litigators. Special bonus points will be given to those who incorporate the “spirit” of 2020 into the verses. (Find something that rhymes with Covid, Zoom or “remote” and you may have made a start.)
Just agree that you are going to make a donation to a foodbank (see section below). The donation can be via the collection baskets that many major supermarkets have in their premises.
Tweet your verses using the #Lexmas20 hashtag (if you copy me in at @CivLitTweet or put it on the comments section of this blog.
There are no entry criteria. You don’t have to be a lawyer to enter. You don’t have to be in the UK.
You can enter as an individual, as a group or even as a firm. (Bear in mind there is only one prize).
THE CLOSING DATE (AND TIME): 10th DECEMBER 2020
The closing date is 4.00 pm on the 10th December 2020. Note the early closing date. This is to ensure that the winner gets the prize before Christmas and that we get the chance to record the winning entry, which should then (technology allowing) be able to be viewed on this blog.
THE JUDGING CRITERIA
There are no objective criteria (so far as I can tell). No form of entry has preference over another. All bets are off (or on). There is everything to play for.
I’m hoping to pass off the job of judging to a real live judge and some specialist assistants. They will have to remain anonymous to avoid any risk of lobbying, unnecessary skeleton arguments , lengthy bundles, etc.
The judges’ decision will be final. No system of appeal exists. If you lose you can (and indeed must) complain on Twitter (or in the comments section below) that you were robbed. That will be your sole legal remedy. You will have to live with the fact that you are not, in fact, the best lawyer in the world.
DONATING TO A FOOD BANK
- A list of food banks are available here.
- Many major supermarkets have collection baskets
Some of the entries are in the comments section below.
Pablo Von Helsing
Once in Legal Covid City Sat a man upon his bed
Top half suited, bottom half nuded
This zoom hearing must go ahead Internet Latency
Hearing starts painfully
He appeared with a flicker
He the Judge and lord of all
And in his hand is a gavel
This is not right at all
Will the Judge be kind and mild?
Not a chance he’s already riled.
(From the Serious Injury Team, Irwin Mitchell, Birmingham).
(To the tune of In the Bleak Midwinter).
“In the bleak pandemic
Serious injury team stayed home.
No court no coffee no commute, working all alone
Zoom call after zoom call. You are all on mute!
In the bleak pandemic, home schooling – such a hoot
Then came the best news ever
Court hearings would be back
E-bundles, platforms, tech fails
Judges sharing life hacks
Extensions up to 56 days
Adobe pro is king
In the bleak pandemic, why worry about a thing?
So as we near year end
What have we achieved?
Endless remote meetings
Not as helpful as perceived
Home offices decked with fairy lights
Office parties via Zoom
In the bleak pandemic
By the light of a silvery moon”
From Mel Clarke (Brampton Mel)
To the Tune of Hark the Herald
“Hello, can you hear and see me?
It’s Judge Bloggs on CVP”
“I can hear you Judge but sadly
You are just a big black screen”
“I’m so sorry” “Oh, that’s better”
“What’s that noise?” “My Irish Setter”
Oh, the joys of Court from Home
Skype for Business, Teams and Zoom
“Has the witness got e-bundles?
Great let’s go to nine- fourteen”.
“That’s a letter from the Claimant”
“No, that’s not the one I mean
How to find it, let me see
Oh I know – add 23
Can you go to nine-three-four?”
This trial will last for evermore
Oh the joys of Court from home,
Skype for Business, Teams and Zoom”
Miss Shiv is a velociraptor
(To the tune of Good King Wencelas).
Lefty lawyer causing fuss
Raising human rights Getting slated? ‘‘Twas ever thus
Or else they’re merely mights
Brightly argued in the courts
Though the AG’s cruel
JR, contracts and torts
Pushed to gen’rous construal
Put the camera up on high Or
else you’ll highlight chins
No cats nor kiddies come nearby
Hide the fourteen gins
Appear to be calm and controlled
Although it’s a veneer
The year end will soon be tolled
Bringing in a happy new year