IN THE RUN UP TO HALLOWEEN: MISSIVES FROM THE BENCH: “THAT ONE’S HALF BLIND AND HALF DEAF. I CALL HIM THE COURT OF APPEAL”

In the run up to Halloween I thought I would repeat some of the “scary” posts on this blog.  Here we look at a post from November 2018, a collection of Twitter comments about judicial interventions.

“DJ Tynas at Macclesfield

I had a hearing in chambers. He was fond of keeping his dogs in there. As one was gumming at my coat he said:

“That one’s half blind and half deaf. I call him The Court of Appeal.””

My favourite ever judicial intervention – judge to witness: take it slowly, I want to take a thorough note in case I believe a word you’re telling me”

My favorite judicial comment. After 3 days of evidence in a property ownership case: “Gentlemen, I’ll adjourn now and we’ll have written submissions and I want you to assume that I’ve not believed a word that I’ve been told for the last three days”

 

A man appearing on a bench warrant one December was brought straight to Sheffield Crown Court wearing a Father Christmas costume after being arrested at a kids party. Coming into the dock apologising for his outfit, the judge replied ‘Don’t you worry, look what they made me wear’

 

How about “I cannot believe that an experienced motorcyclist would cross the dotted white lines in the middle of the road.”

“Not a comment, but the bemused, “Can anyone tell me what a Reef is?”, is one of my favourite judicial questions. In an assault case, but not until a bottle of Reef had been mentioned about 20 times.”

For those of you who don’t know what a Reef is. It’s a drink from the Golden Age of alcopops.

My pupil master called his star expert witness on day 4 of a 5 dayer. After an hours evidence, the judge theatrically took his pen out of his pencil case and made a note whilst saying out loud ‘ I don’t believe a word this man is saying. Do carry on with his evidence …’

Mine was a Judge asking if necessary to go through all texts. Pros C insisted as def witness to start reading messages from x date. Not sure he’d checked properly since it started with f & c, ended with him taking over and reading a few more msgs since jury audibly gasped.

DJ at trial “why are we here? go out and settle this because I’ve read that statements and it’s not good for you” points at opponent

David Oldham · November 3, 2018 at 22:47:29 Edit This · →

It was a hot day and the Court was unbearable. Counsel asked the Usher if she could do something about the air conditioning. She said it was controlled by the knob on the bench.
Court rises as the Judge enters.
Counsel requests that the air conditioning could be turned up as he had been informed that His Honour was in charge of such matters,